The Muppets

2 ½  pipes out of 4

After 12 years on the bench, the Muppets have returned to theaters with a vengeance. In a script co-written by Jason Segel, The Muppets pay homage to their original gags. Jason Segel plays Gary, the brother of Walter, a puppet whose dream it is to meet the Muppets. When they finally visit Muppet Studios they find it in ruins and being sold to evil oil baron Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) and the only way to save it is to raise 10 million dollars. Walter takes it upon himself to get all the Muppets back together and hijinks ensue. As the Muppets are brought back there are celebrities cameo’s galore and other classic Muppet moments. There are not a whole lot of original moments in the new movie so it is not as good as its previous movies but it still beats out a number of current movies. Amy Adams comes off of her Acadamy Award nomination with the supporting role as Gary's Girlfriend Mary. One problem which is only a problem for the older generation who remember the originals, the voices are not the same as they use to be. The biggest difference is Fozzy Bear who sounds completely different from his old self. Another problem I had is that they minimized Pepe the King Prawn and completely eliminated Rizo the rat, the two best characters. Because I am loyal to the original movies I can only give The Muppets  

X-Men: First Class

3 out of 4 Pipes

James McAvoy has finally shown me that he can actually act. I have always hated him since he was in wanted but after seeing X-Men: First Class, I can no longer hold on to my hatred. The plot was a huge improvement from X-Men Origins: Wolverine and it brought the action down making it appear as a genuinely new movie and not just another comic book movie. One flaw that it had which wasn’t even really a flaw, it was just odd, was Kevin Bacon shifting from a German accented scientist to an American accented mutant seeking nuclear apocalypse. The movie begins with an early look into Magneto’s life in a German concentration camp in World War II. What impressed me about this was that it remained incredibly true to the flashback that was seen in X-Men: The Last Stand. In the previous movie Eric can be seen as a young boy being dragged away from his mother and destroying the metal gate in between them. X-Men First class has the exact same scene but they then expand on it. This is amazing for a prequel movie to incorporate a previous flashback used in an earlier movie that was set in the future. We are then introduced to mystique when she is stealing food from Charles Xavier. What is interesting about this scene and quite unrealistic is that Xavier quickly becomes her friend and then somehow her brother. One aspect I found quite interesting was that the typical vision of Magneto is that he was always a master of his power but this movie changes that view and he only masters his abilities through the help of Charles. Something that I noticed about X-Men: First Class is that it changed preconceptions that were told to us from the previous X-Men movies. The biggest of these is that according to the original movies, Celebro was said to be developed by both Magneto and Charles but in X-Men: First Class it was developed only by Beast. Granted, Celebro was destroyed at the end of the movie but it is unlikely for Magneto and Charles to get together and put it back together. First Class ended the movie magnificently with leaving a small cliffhanger; enough to leave it open for a sequel or leaving it alone with the current films. 

Rise Of the Planet Of The Apes

3 pipes out of 4

James Franco is one of the most inconsistent actors in Hollywood. He goes from making Pineapple express where he plays a stoner, to an Oscar nominated role in 127 hours. Then he returns to being a stoner in Your Highness. His ability to choose the right roles is mediocre at best but he chose another good one in Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. He has shown us that he can act by playing famous hiker Aron Ralston who has to cut off his own arm in 127 hours and he finally uses his acting skills as Will Rodman, a doctor trying to cure Alzheimer’s in order to help his father. Not much was expected out of this movie because of Franco being cast in it but he again shocks us all with his beautiful acting and the inspiring role of Andy Serkis who plays Cesar, the primary ape. I am calling it right now, we may have the first Oscar nominated actor to play an animal. Rodman’s work finally seems to pay off with an ape named Bright Eyes who seems to be showing incredible promise until an accident causes the program to be shut down.  As it so happens, Bright Eyes had a son and Franco takes him home in order to save him from euthanasia. Due to the formula that was it Bright Eyes, it was passed down to the chimp who Franco names Cesar (Andy Serkis). As the movie progresses Cesar falls in love with his family but begins to question why he is inferior to humans. After an incident with the neighbor Cesar is forced to live in a primate sanctuary with an abusive caretaker Malfoy, oh wait, that was his last movie, Tom Felton. This is where there are some problems with the plot of Rise, it has it set up so that you are rooting for Cesar to take over the planet. This then contradicts the original where you root for Charlton Heston overtaking the apes. Similar to X-Men First Class Planet of the Apes leaves the ending open enough to make another movie or have this be the only one. 

Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

1½ pipes out of 4

Worst write out in movie history, I am saying it right now. Michael Bay spent two movies building up the relationship of Sam Whitwiky and Michaela making it as strong as possible only to write Megan Fox out of the series with the line “she broke up with me”. No other explanation is given throughout the movie and Megan is only mentioned once more during the film by Sam’s parents when Sam is having a rough patch with Rosie and they don’t want him to get dumped again. Other than that, Transformers is a really good movie, once you get passed the first hour of talking. the last hour of the film is actually a good action film but you have to get through the a hour of attempted acting, a jumbled plot, and little to no action. Michael Bay tries to make this Transformers something it is not, a drama. He makes it incredibly depressing as well as trying to build a strong relationship between Sam and his new girlfriend Marley. The most interesting fact I find about this relationship is that it took Sam two whole movies to say he loved Michaela but in the third movie he said it in the first 30 minutes. The acting is mediocre at best and only makes it that high because of the legendary Leonard Nemoy. I will admit I went in not knowing he had a part in the movie and I totally geeked out. There actually are some big surprises throughout the film but, just like in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the ending battle ends too quickly and is won to easily.

The Green Lantern

1½ pipes out of 4

One would think that with the group of big name actors Mark Strong, Jeffery Rush, Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively and Peter Sarsgaard , the Green lantern would be one of the most epic comic book films ever made, rivaling The Dark Knight. Unfortunately all of these actors attached themselves to albeit an entertaining film, a terrible plot. Ryan Reynolds plays a risk taking test fighter pilot who is still trying to get over his father’s death in a piloting accident. This is a good idea for a conflict with the main character thinking he is not worth the gifts that he has been given but the problem is that he gets over his fears way to quickly with a small pep talk by his love interest Blake Lively. One bright spot in the film is Peter Sarsgaard who plays an outcast scientist who discovers an alien who crashes to earth. The alien was infected by the evil essence known as Parallax who wants to take over the universe by harvesting fear. It soon infects Sarsgaard and he puts on a fantastic performance as deranged and outcast, constantly jealous of Reynolds and longing for Lively. Mark Strong plays the leader of the Green Lantern Core who believes that the core is invincible and should use any power available in order to gain victory. Rush only has a minor role as the tour guide to Reynolds when he becomes a Green Lantern. The movie wasn’t all bad because it had the hot Blake Lively and some cool action but not enough to make it a great movie. I disagree with most of the critics saying The Green Lantern is the worst film of the summer, That Title Easily goes to Horrible Bosses.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

2 pipes out of 4

Pirates has returned with a bang! And that’s about it. Don’t get me wrong, it is better without Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley but the plot just seemed to be a quickly thrown together cluster fudge. No Pirates can top the original Pirates of the Caribbean Curse of the Black Pearl but On Stranger Tides easily tops Pirates 2 and 3. With Knighltey and Bloom removed, the uneventful and bothersome love relationship where Bloom could not make up his mind whether he wanted his father or his wife. It opens the door for a new romantic dynamic with Jack and Angelica. The story follows Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) as he meets Angelica (Penelope Cruz), a former flame, who is impersonating him to recruit a crew. He ends up shanghaied on Blackbeard’s ship on his way to the fountain of youth. While on the way they must gather several items, a mermaid’s tear and two chalices. Angelica saves a missionaries life in an attempt to save the soul of Blackbeard. Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) also is after the fountain of youth in the name of the English Crown to keep it away from the Spanish which causes some interesting encounters between the two groups along the way. There are a couple of plot holes in the film that can be pointed out, such as when the missionary is injured and asks for the mermaid to kiss him in order to save him, she does so but then plunges him into the depths of the sea and we never see if he is saved or not but other than the small amount you can point out, the plot just seems to go on and on and have only a very general destination with random twists and additions. It is also quite predictable all the way through for instance when Blackbeard is prophesized to die by the hands of a one legged man, it is quite obvious who that man is. It was still an okay movie which can derive only from the fact that Johnny Depp carried it and he even seemed uninterested and blasé. Comedy returns like in the original as well but this time it is mostly derived from the sexual tension between Jack and Angelica. Another issue that I had with On Stranger Tides is that throughout the film Jack and his first mate Gibbs continually reference events and places that they had done and been in the past to explain how they did something. This allowed a lot of speculation on how they managed to perform some unimaginable feats. I also would like to know, if Blackbeard can control his entire ship with his magical sword, why does he even need a crew that can cause a mutiny? Just some food for thought. All in all I was let down by Pirates 4 but would still watch it over Dead Man’s Chest any day of the week.

Fast Five

½ pipe out of 4

Let it be known right now that I think the Fast and the Furious franchise is turning into the new Saw franchise, they just don’t know when to stop. And with the ending of Fast Five it is quite obvious that they will be making a 6^th. I did not go into Fast Five with my hopes high but even the low standards I was expecting were barely met. There were numerous problems with the plot and with the realism of the movie. The story begins with explaining how Ex FBI agent Brian O’Connor (Paul Walker) and Mia Toretto break Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) out of prison which is unrealistic to begin with. It also shows again the bad decision making of O’Connor that has plagued him throughout the entire series and makes you wonder why anyone keeps following his decisions. After a heist goes wrong the group starts a war with the Crime boss of Rio and also move themselves to the top of the most wanted list which brings in Federal Agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) to hunt down Toretto. In order to bring down the Crime boss, they have to bring in Tyrese Gybson , Ludacris and others from the previous Fast and Furious’, which again brings in Han Lue which again must make this a prequel to Tokyo Drift. Another fact for the case that Tokyo Drift should never have been made despite it being the best one of the series. the only way this movie was saved and not total hogwash was that it had The Rock in it and had some pretty cool car chases, albeit unrealistic car chases. The acting was mediocre at best and Diesel can’t decide if he wants to be the serious bad boy that he has been the entire series or try and become more of a nice family man which does not fit him at all.