Total Recall

½ pipe out of 4

Schwarzenegger out acting someone? Inconceivable right? Wrong. Colin Farrell is the man selected to modernize Arnold’s iconic role and does a horrible job. It did not help that he had an absolutely atrocious script to work with but it is his job to recognize good and bad scripts and he found a bad one. Jessica Biel continues her downward spiral of movie making by playing Farrell’s love rebel love interest while Kate Beckinsale makes a poor career choice by portraying Farrell’s wife. Len Wiseman of Underworld and Live free or Die Hard fame chose to direct the Total Recall remake while Kurt Wimmer of The Recruit and Equilibrium fame chose to write. Wimmer and Wiseman eliminated many iconic scenes for attempted modernization which did not add anything to the film he also removed a huge plot point only to replace it with a mashed up confusing alternative. Instead of a colony on Mars, there is a colony on earth that is one of two places on the earth that is inhabitable after nuclear war. Klatu (Bill Nighy) is no longer a mutant fighting for equality and freedom for mutants but just independence from the United Federation of Britain. Brian Cranston plays the evil Prime Minister who wants to destroy all the inhabitants in the colony for no discernible reason and wished to do so with synthetic robot guards, instead of the regular military. With this decision to eliminate a good portion of the plot of the original Total Recall, Wimmer appeared to create a list of things that are required to be in a Total Recall remake such as the three breasted prostitute, reference to divorce between Beckinsale and Farrell’s character. He subsequently proceeded to check them of in no discernible order. In the beginning of the film it appears to have promise with the new direction that the director chose to go but he was limited to be unable to divert to far of the original. With these limitations, Wimmer and Wiseman sink the remake into the nuclear wasteland that they created.

The Bourne Legacy

1½ Pipes out of 4

The action remains but the heart is gone. With Matt Damon removed from the Bourne series the logic and investment held by the audience has disappeared as well. Jeremy Renner attempts to continue the franchise made famous by Damon and puts forth a good effort but is not given a whole lot to work with plot wise. Renner is in the difficult part of his career where he has been pigeon holed and type casted as the next action star so was the logical choice for Damon’s replacement. This is a problem when the Bourne films have developed into more than just action films but acting and action films. It also does not help that the audience has built an emotional attachment to Jason Bourne only to have a fourth film that has almost nothing to do with him. There is the occasional reference to Bourne as being in New York with a news clip about his exploits but little more than that. For the most part of the film the audience is following the exploits of Aaron Cross, a bioengineered super soldier who is betrayed by his government. He then must go and rescue a doctor (Rachel Weisz) who has been overseeing his bioengineering who coincidentally has also been betrayed by the government. This then leads to the main plot of the film which actually appeared to be a sub plot but turned into the main which leaves the viewer incredibly disappointed at the end of the film because they were expecting more. The rest of the film follows a government official (Edward Norton) who is never really explained, only that he has top security clearance and he is in charge of the numerous programs spawned from Treadstone and Blackbriar. He is attempting to clean up the mess left by Jason and that means killing both Renner and Wiesz’s characters. The writer and director Tony Gilroy who also wrote the previous 3 Bourne films stated he likes that being the director means he gets to do the film his way but maybe he needed that input to make the movies good because  The Bourne Legacy doesn’t even come close to the other three films.

Lawless

1 pipe out of 4

Great acting cannot save this bland and drawn out plot. Even with the stand out performance of Guy Peirce and steadfast acting of Tom Hardy could not save this movie from being unrelatable and ordinary. The movie follows the Bondurant brothers who are bootleggers in Franklin County, Virginia. The county is subsequently taken over by a corrupt district attorney who hires a ruthless mercenary (Guy Peirce) to bring all the Bootleggers under his thumb. Naturally the Bondurant brothers refuse and a “war” if you can even call it that begins between the two parties. There are continual teasers throughout the film of a confrontation between the two but is constantly differed to later. There are minor scrimmages that defiantly warrant the R rating that the film received but nothing like were indicated with the advertising. It appears that they tried to pull in the action movie viewers only to try and give them a drama action film that has questionable acting other than Pierce and Hardy. Shia Labouf is supposed to play the relatable character that is searching for equality and respect from his older brothers but fails miserably in that regard. He constantly is making stupid decisions and never owning up to the consequences. When he and his brothers gain wealth by becoming rum runners into Chicago he goes around flaunting his wealth with new cars, new clothes and new cameras trying to impress the daughter of an Amish preacher (Mia Wasikowska). This is just typical Labouf in his pretentious, overeager jerk that he is reprising from almost all of his films. There is the small highlight of Dane DeHaan who plays the crippled boy who the Bondurant have basically adopted and is the maker of the moonshine. He is delightfully upbeat and innocent which is refreshing from all the dark and dreary characters that litter this film.

The Expendables 2

1½ pipes out of 4

A sequel better than the original? Is that even possible? When it comes to The Expendables and The Expendables 2, it is definitely the case. With Sylvester Stallone staying in front of the camera as Barney Ross and not behind it, The Expendables 2 manages to have a somewhat decent plot as well as amazing action. The introductory fight scene, introduction of the newest member of the group Billy (Liam Hemsworth) and fellow mercenary Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger) leaves something to be desired with plenty of blood, guts and gore. It is kind of disheartening when it is obvious that it has been CGI’d. What happened to the good old days when you could see a gun fight with fake blood instead of computer graphics, and you would think that it might even be a little cheaper. As the film progresses, the plot gets better as instead of CIA agent Church (Bruce Willis) hiring a group of mercenaries to perform a coup in a foreign country, he asks them to perform an extraction mission of highly sensitive material. Of course this material is stolen by villain Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme) and subsequent hatred is created between Stallone and Van Damme. For the mission a female is added to the team (Nan Yu) and when it all falls apart begins to kindle a relationship with Stallone creating the sub-plot of whether Barney can ever love without getting the people he loves killed. Chuck Norris makes his return to film stacking the cast to the point of toppling. It is interesting that with Norris being known as the complete BAMF of all action stars, the film actually portrays this persona in order to appease the audience even going so far as to including a Chuck Norris joke. The Expendables 2 manages to increase the comedy and action to ramp up this sequel to give it one a satisfactory feeling when leaving the film. This is definitely not the acting action film of old like Saving Private Ryan, The Dark Knight or even The Avengers but this is what you go to in order to reminisce about the good old days of the action heroes.  

Moonrise Kingdom

3 pipes out of 4

The hidden kingdom of Moonrise has been found by millions of audiences and is easily the dark horse movie of the summer. Wes Anderson combines an all star cast of Bill Murray, Bruce Willis, Edward Norton and Frances McDormand to introduce Kara Hayward and Jared Gilman, the title characters who are the stereotypical oddballs who don’t fit in with their families.  The film is the epitome of cheesy which makes it all the more amazing. Instead of unintentional cheesy, the director takes every opportunity available to cheesify the film, such as most of the sets look as if they are on a stage. There is no attempt to make the film look like real life and actually goes through effort to remove the realness for instance calling Tilda Swinton’s character Social Services and no actual name. Through the use of awkward situations and interactions between characters and the stiff portrayal of the two children Suzy and Sam brings comedy throughout the film. With the introduction of Kara Hayward and Jared Gilman only Kara showed range and the ability to possibly expand on her career but both fulfill their roles for the film masterfully. Moonrise is not the movie for everyone, action is scarce and Jared Gilman develops his characters through lengthy dialogue and somewhat confusing flashbacks. Anderson often reverses the roles of the adults with the children giving the youth adult characteristics and the adults’ youthful stupidity. 

The Dark Knight Rises

2½ pipes out of 4 

All good things must come to an end and so it has with Christopher Nolan’s Batman Trilogy. In the final installment The Dark Knight Rises, Nolan manages to send the audience off with a style by tricking the audience into believing they know most of the plot through the trailers, only to find themselves glued to the edge of their seats with surprise cameos, plot twists and unexpected character development.  Throughout the Dark Knight trilogy, Nolan has done a masterful job of leaving little tidbits of comic lore for the diehard Batman fan but also holds enough intrigue for those who do not follow the comics. The Dark Knight Rises eloquently raps up the Batman story of Nolan’s trilogy with only a few mistakes. Nolan’s 2008 Dark Knight can easily be considered the greatest comic book movie of all time and brought legitimacy to the comic book movie industry. To follow up the Dark Knight with something as good or even better would be nothing short of a miracle and that is why Nolan doesn’t even try. He keeps the legitimacy of the Dark Knight trilogy but changes from telling the gritty story with masterful acting to throwing in curveballs that the audience doesn’t see coming. He also diverts everyone’s attention from the fact that Bane is no Joker with an intriguing back story with the League of Shadows from Batman Begins. Surprisingly Anne Hathaway manages to perform well as a troubled Catwoman debating her own morality. One of the most interesting aspects of the Dark Knight Rises is that it not necessary for the audience to view its predecessors in order to enjoy the film. There are a few aspects that undercut the plot causing for criticism, one being that in order to hold the plot together Nolan throws in too many characters without enough time to develop them properly. The two or three characters that Nolan chooses to develop he does well but leaves a number of others undeveloped. There were logistical issues that were swept under the rug with the audience expected to forget about but tend to be big enough to notice with ease. None of these issues damage the movie enough to make it not entertaining and well worth the price of admission.

The Muppets

2 ½  pipes out of 4

After 12 years on the bench, the Muppets have returned to theaters with a vengeance. In a script co-written by Jason Segel, The Muppets pay homage to their original gags. Jason Segel plays Gary, the brother of Walter, a puppet whose dream it is to meet the Muppets. When they finally visit Muppet Studios they find it in ruins and being sold to evil oil baron Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) and the only way to save it is to raise 10 million dollars. Walter takes it upon himself to get all the Muppets back together and hijinks ensue. As the Muppets are brought back there are celebrities cameo’s galore and other classic Muppet moments. There are not a whole lot of original moments in the new movie so it is not as good as its previous movies but it still beats out a number of current movies. Amy Adams comes off of her Acadamy Award nomination with the supporting role as Gary's Girlfriend Mary. One problem which is only a problem for the older generation who remember the originals, the voices are not the same as they use to be. The biggest difference is Fozzy Bear who sounds completely different from his old self. Another problem I had is that they minimized Pepe the King Prawn and completely eliminated Rizo the rat, the two best characters. Because I am loyal to the original movies I can only give The Muppets