Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

If dead men tell no tales, then this movie is dead on arrival. In an attempt to revitalize his career and the series, Johnny Depp returns as Jack Sparrow except with none of the charm he has been steadily losing since the original. Disney seems to have forgotten why Sparrow was a fun and interesting character. Originally it was because he was a lovable rogue who could get himself out of terrible situations in what looked like ridiculous but lucky ways. Instead, Disney thinks it's because he is a drunk, looks funny, has a blaze fair attitude and cares about no one but himself. It is an utter cluster bomb of a movie that simply makes things up as it goes to explain what is going on. In Dead Men Tell No Tales the audience is introduced to Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem), a Spanish sea captain who is bent on revenge for the curse he now suffers from who he blames on Sparrow. We are also introduced to a new power that Jack's all-seeing compass apparently has that has not been brought up in any of the four previous films and has changed hands countless times between characters. Just more nonsensical exposition to explain away the plot holes. We are also introduced to Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan's son Henry (Brenton Thwaites), who is miraculously now 21 years old with no one other than him showing the passage of that much time. Because this is a Disney movie and we need everyone important to have a love interest we are also given Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario) who is also looking for Poseidon’s trident to break all cursed at sea. Henry desires the trident to free his father from his curse, Carina wants it because it was her father's life's work, and Jack needs it to rid himself of the undead Salazar. Which brings me to question, since when did Davey Jones's duty, which became Will Turner's, become a curse. It is referenced numerous times as a curse when he is actually performing a duty. It also granted him life, as he was killed at the end of At World's End. So, if it is a curse and has been lifted then he should die and not just be able to return to land. If your sensing a theme here of BS non-explanations then you now know the essence that is Pirates 5. Unfortunately, it will make a ton of money and that will motivate Disney to keep making more as a sequel is set up in the end credits scene. Which again is a scene that makes no sense. This is a series that entangles too many good actors into terrible roles for it to keep going. Stop thinking of it as a pay check and have some principles! None of you are scraping the barrel for roles! Just a down right terrible movie that makes very little sense a d makes you hate the jack Sparrow when he should be the easiest character to like.

D-